Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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