He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
