I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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