i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
