i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
