She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
