dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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