that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
