Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
