i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
