I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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