I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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