i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
