Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
