Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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