PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
