fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
