I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
