I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
