True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
