Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
