I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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