just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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