i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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