After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
