We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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