just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My feet surprised me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
