i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
