the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
