I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
