We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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