Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
