i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
