JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
