It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
