I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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