You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
