Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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