I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
its liver damage thursday
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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