Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
