my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
