All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I want her autograph on my taint
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
