real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
