So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
