guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
