please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
