his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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