Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
