My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
