i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
