i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
