He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
